Friday Chat w/ Vlad
Hey, it’s Vlad. As you all know, in the last couple of months JABCECC has taken in 7 new residents. With all these additional mouths to feed, us ambassadors called an emergency staff meeting to brain storm about ways to bring in much needed funds.
The meeting was called to order and a quorum was determined to be present. A motion was made to skip the reading of the minutes and a gag order was proposed to prevent Yuri from taking up valuable time discussing breakfast pastries. The motion was passed with the only nay vote coming from Yuri, who said he would fight…for his right…to pastry.
I addressed my fellow ambassadors and told them it was important for us to come up with innovative ways to obtain donations if we expect to continue to get our favorite treats. I then opened the floor to suggestions. One of our newest foxes, Clara, chimed in and said after she was rescued off the fur farm, they drove by a county fair and she saw a kissing booth that seemed quite popular. Everyone liked her suggestion and the only question that remained was which one of us would do the kissing. After some intense discussions we all coalesced around the idea that it needed to be the #dorkwolf, Lucan.
This decision did not come without problems..the foremost being the boy’s breath. Us foxes, being quite clever, came up with ways to turn the malodorous fumes emanating from his maw into a money making opportunity. We figured our best bet was to turn the kissing experience into a challenge. I mean if people are willing to eat Tide pods, they can surely be convinced they want to kiss a stinky wolf. For $2, Lucan will pucker up for you, but we also have the add on “survival kit” for $20. The kit includes two boxes of wintergreen Tik Tacs, a super sized bottle of Binaca , some Pepto Bismol and a commemorative “I kissed a #dorkwolf and I liked it” t shirt. Just as we were starting to think we had a winning business proposition, Sergei ask to be recognized. The words that came from his mouth took the wind right out of our sails. He said “ have you considered how often and enthusiastically Lucan licks his butt?” We all agreed this “visual” could affect the revenue generating potential of the kissing booth. Ideas were exchanged, but after we excluded strategically applied Tabasco sauce, for ethical and logistical reasons, a sub committee was formed to further examine the problem.
Vlad out.